Wednesday, January 30

On post-marriage bliss

First up, I know it's been a while. I won't make any excuses, I just didn't feel like writing, commenting, or replying to comments. My bad. Now, the last time I wrote here, I was desperately searching for a wedding gift, and I thank you all for the excellent suggestions you made. I met my dear friend's then-fiancé for a cuppa, to see what kind of a guy he was. I don't often find myself liking people the first time I meet them, even though I like to give them a couple of chances to see if I may have missed out on something, but I really liked this guy. He was polite, he loved his job, and promised to teach me all about stocks, was a mere two inches shorter than me, and he had an openness and honesty to him that I value above all. The only faults I could find with the man were his apathetic attitude towards food, and his preference for tea over coffee. As the wedding was in a matter of days, I really needed to come up with a gift. On a visit to a ludicrous yet tastefully designed mall in Noida, of which an entire floor was dedicated to homemakers, I was contemplating a myriad of vases, when my eye fell upon what I had to get them. I found something conventional, very, very Renovatio, and to be appreciated by both the bride and my own sentiments regarding the groom's preferences. I got the happy couple a coffee maker, with a pair of glass-and-stainless-steel coffee mugs.

The fateful day arrived, and I recall bolting out of bed at nine minutes to ten, picturing the entire baraat dancing its way into the gurudwara at that very moment, as the wedding invitation claimed they would be. Luckily someone had remembered to get my green kurta and gold-beige churidar ironed, so a four-minute shower and three-minute change later, I was on the road. Of course once I crossed the two kilometer mark, I realized I had left my shawl behind, and knowing that the ensemble would be incomplete without the dark brown shawl, I returned to grab it.
Let it be recorded that running up a flight of stairs in peshawari juttis, and driving in them for that matter, is a tedious and difficult process.
Aurelia and I took to the road again with the sound of Apocalyptica blaring from Adelina's speakers, and in record pace, arrived at the gurudwara Rakabgunj, a gurudwara I had previously never heard of. Pulling into a parking spot a mere three hours late for the wedding, I was just in time for the pheras, IST-be-blessed. I ran into the banquet-hall thingie to stares from a horde of people, asked for someone related to the bride, and came face to face with a skinny fellow who knew all about me and was certain I knew the most intimate details of his life. What? you don't know Tarunjeet-pal? Right right, she must have told you about me as Vicky. I didn't want to hurt poor Vicky's feelings, so I shook his hand as warmly as I could, claimed I knew him, handed him the coffee maker, grabbed a glass of something vile off a waiter's tray for my parched throat, and purloining a handkerchief off a large Sardar in a white suit, ducked into the place where the pheras were taking off.

There's a certain ch
arm to not knowing anyone at a wedding, excepting the bride and her parents, especially if you've got a rather distinct look to you, and you aren't aware of the customs, excluding the cover-head-with-hanky one. You're at leisure to watch the proceedings, you get to notice things that you would normally miss, and considering the bride's mother handed you a little digicam, you get to capture the moment as well, and no one looks at you funny when you mutter to yourself about the shot you're taking. The grin on my face when some random aunt put their heads together in some cheesy symbolic gesture earned me my first scowl from a family member. I got my second and third simultaneously from two older gentlemen who I'm fairly certain disapproved of my earring and the lack of a pagadi on my head, respectively. Of course here the assumption from the older gentleman was that I was another Sardar amidst this large congregation of Sardars. There was also the very cute cousin of somebody's who flashed me a charming little sparkley-eyed smile, who insisted on straightening out all the, well, for lack of a better word, stuff, dangling off the bride. She most likely assumed I was grinning at her, while her anal stuff-straightening never ceased to amuse me. For the record, when she came up to me later and introduced herself as Nancy in her singsong voice, I was picturing a Pomeranian in my head, talking up at me.

As the event wore on, I met with my friend's sister, who I forbid from leaving my side, even for a second. I eventually managed to steal a decent camera from one of the photographers, and took a few completely manual shots, until all the photographers ganged up on me and demanded it back. I then had a very intimate moment with the groom, where I re-buckled the uppermost buckle of his Shervani. Unfortunately, he still wouldn't let me mess around with the kirpan, the ritual sword he had to carry during the pheras. I also managed to insult a few other friends of the bride's, who I told not to tell me their names, as I was bound to forget. The chubby one gave me a very hurt My name has never felt as unimportant in my life before she stormed off in search of jalebis. Oddly enough, she was back at my side the next day during the reception, and somehow she knew my name, even thoug
h I didn't tell her.

The reception was an amusing event. I arrived there, dateless, after searching for about forty minutes in the slight fog, in a suit that is now a little too tight around my chest. The very suit prevented me from learning how to bhangra when the bride's sister attempted to teach me, but it enabled me to get the bride's dad up on the dance floor, despite his protestations of weak knees. The cake-cutting took place with a symbolic collapse of the cake, as evidenced by the rather well-timed picture I had taken, and I managed to steal a decent twenty minutes alone with the happy couple on their little red-and-gold (I know who'll just love that motif) dais. Of course to get hose twenty minutes, the photographer had to drop his excellent quality lens, and break it. Much na na na na na na, heh heh heh heh heh heh heh from me later, I made the most of the opportunity to sit with the happy couple, and in a rare display that absolutely made my day, the new couple ganged up on me and managed to get a hold of my license, to check my birthday. Of course the bride also stole my brownie.


Bubbles of FireWhisky said...

hey... three hours isnt bad!!! i once messed up the dates and ended up for 2 days late... bu i did make it to the reception so who cares as long as i got the free food... :P

sounds like you had fun though... n nice read :)

lemonade said...

i'm sure the brownie will go very well with the coffee!

imperfect said...

aah..ur back!
Ive become a regular here btw. :P

gunj said...

nice post!! :)
m jus a lil confused...punjabi wedding n a cake cutting ceremony!! :O
doesn really match!

Reeta Skeeter said...

Lovely post!
Seems you enjoyed :D
I attended my best frd's wedding recently. Managed to do a slightly better job than you.
I was the unofficial photographer and didn't know anybody there, but managed to find some good company.
So what is it about people who drink tea that puts you off?
Skeeter is a T-wali :P
Love my cuppa!

Anu said...

AWW, why did the munchkin have to go to the wedding dateless?
Oh and I see 'red & gold'. hint hint wink wink nudge nudge

P.S. Love the cake pic. It is, like everything else here, purrfect :)

siropdevanille said...

The cake collapsed! That is so NOT a good thing! Oooh and congratulations on finding that gift... coffee maker for a tea lover.. niice! hehe!

AakASH!!! said...

ohh boy! well, ummmm, you know what. he he he.

Still Searching said...

I was pretty sure I would never say I miss weddings (Indian ofcourse) but after reading your post, I really am missing the whole observing, laughing, fending off comments from aunts and wearing nice clothes that comes with an Indian wedding!!

persona non grata. said...

if the suit's tight; you can do without the brownie. :D

Pri said...

i am so not inviting you to my wedding or commitment ceremony [we're still undecided on this matter]

a coffee maker??

chandni said...

:) glad all's well in your world again!

Chalo, lets brave the cold and meet up.

I know I say that every time I comment, but really, thins time definitely!

Will call n plan

Richa said...

heyy...interesting write-up...guess i ll b here more regularly...

Aditi ''Jiggs'' said...

hope u enyjed the weddin
as for my blog
iv inserted a pic as a background n put a transparency over it on which the posts appear, the picture r behind that trnsparency thats why they appear like that.


Sam said...

aye.. someone sure had loads of fun!! oh i wish I cud attend a punjabi wedding soemtime!! **sighs**

Mystique said...

I'm just laughing....about the whole thing.....the collapsing cake....and all weddings in general....
at my sister's wedding I was mostly surrounded by all my dad's aunts whom I did NOT remember, all of them stereotypically telling my hoe beautiful I looked in a sari (NOT!! hair was brutally short at the time.) and how I was all grown up, the last time they saw me I was knee high......

Opaline said...

Woh chubby wali main thhi, Reno. Tum ne mera dil todh diya. =(

five_silver_rings said...

nice ceremony, eh?

oh, oh... did random aunties come up to you and say, "so, when is your turn?" :P

Reeta Skeeter said... say 10 minutes from now see if I give your subway guy a run for his money ;) @

david santos said...

Hi Renovativo
Excellent post!
have a good weekend

Keshi said...


So u got em something close to wut I suggested (a silver coffee set) :) Good on ya!

I love weddings and Im usually there on time. o well as long as u make it, all's well. :)


Espèra said...

It's a widely accepted fact that you only go to weddings for the food. You hardly know anyone (yet, everyone seems to know you), there's nothing interesting out there (except for people-watching), it's probably very cold too (tell that to those backless-choli-ed people though) and so, you just stuff yourself.

It doesn't matter how much you eat and how badly because the place'd be full of people you wouldn't ever meet if you can help. Just, watch out for cameras while you're stuffing your face. Annoying pests, those when you're in front of it.

Espèra said...

*Annoying pests, those, when you're in front of them.

LostWeasley said...

delightfully written...

Lakota Princess said...

Cracked me up! I can't think of anything annoying to say, dammit.
Image of you running out, turning around, running back, then racing to the wedding... priceless.
Glad you had fun Reno-babe.

wiseling said...

here i am. happy now? yes? good.
i absolutely love those mugs. but then again, you know that.
i am also very glad that you liked my little dedication. don't expect one every time you rootho.. i'm not always that inspired.
but now atleast you know what tragic things happen when happy-hair gets shaved.
go feed hungry children. it's good. and it teaches you about animal's insides and such.
okay, i don't have anything else to say. but you should reply to this soon because i'm impatient and bored. but on the bright side, i'm not hungry anymore. i got spinach pizza and very badly made chicken tikka. these goras i tell you.. don't know the difference between flavor and masala overload. so tragic.

Renovatio said...

Wow, two days. That deserves applause...

No no, the brownie was one of the desserts on the buffet table at the reception.

Took a momentary (ten-days long) hiatus.

Sikh wedding. The cake thingie was just, cutting a cake together. With the Con-graa-joo-lay-shuns, and sell-ee-bay-shuns song playing in the background.

@reeta skeeter
I'm not put off by tea drinkers, it's just that tea isn't a real drink. It's just hot water with leaves.

Oh, I wonder why I had to :p

@vanilla syrup
Just like the chubby jalebi girl said, something like that happening to the cake could've only happened at the wedding of that particular friend. :D

@ol' excitable
No clue dude, no clue.

@still searching
Well I've got some family weddings coming up in the next year or so, so the aunts and uncles thing will be taken care of then. Here, no one knew me, so I was just stared at.

Too mean. It's a suit that was stitched soon after I'd lost all that weight. Also, it's tight around my chest and shoulders, not my belly.

Yeah, like you had a better suggestion.

We'll see when that happens :p

Welcome, glad to hear that :D


Sikh wedding!

Oh, I do the "I remember when you were this tall" to aunts and all now, where I indicate a point above my own head, while standing very close to them so I can look down on them and say it.

Muahahahah. And I didn't even tell you my name, to save myself the embarrassment of forgetting yours, once I did. Good jalebis though, eh?

@five silver rings
Nope, they just stared :p

@reeta (again)
Unless you're making it for me, you're not beating him :p

Thanks for dropping by :D

Well it was one of a good suggestion :p

Well the only camera that got a shot of me was when the bride got sick of cameras taking pictures of her, grabbed the one in my hand, and took one back.

Thanks :D

I'm just un-annoy-able :D

Silly girl. So predictable :D
Also, you missed one of the "He's" :P

persona non grata. said...

lies. all lies.

brownies are brownies. points or not.

wiseling said...

predictable? hmmph.

Reeta Skeeter said...

:P One day (*dreamy eyes*)when I host a party for DFZ visitors, I shall cook for all.

Keshi said...




Anonymous said...

u bastard, i swr to god u turned ur fone of lst nite, i kept trying til 2. happy birthday bhai, i lowe u :p
i wnt butter chicken soon.

five_silver_rings said...

Waiting for a new post.


Mystique said...

yeah, j'attends la post pour ton anniversaire. My grammar sucks.
regardez ton e-mail.

GuNs said...

Sorry for the off-topic comment but this simply is the COOLEST lens ever for cheapskates like me:

Check it out. The Canon 50mm f1.8 II.


GuNs said...

This sucks. The links posted in comments get some weird formatting to them so they spill over into the other sections. Anyway, click here for the link.

Keshi said...

ur gone again :(


chandni said...

actually mister, if I remember correctly you cancelled last time


Zee said...

".....and promised to teach me all about stocks, was a mere two inches shorter than me...." why oh why is that a criteria? what if he were taller?? wud u not approve???

how can u not know gurdwara rakabganj???? how long have u been in delhi?

and most importantly, did u finally figure out that poor girl's name or no???

iz said...

a mere two inches shorter than you? Does height matter so much in husband to be of best friend?

I love Lucy said...

The title was a tad misleading ,my friend.The moment I saw it,I scrolled down in a hurry to see how on earth I missed your marital bliss while you are here talking about post-marital bliss!!
How come I don't have male friends like you in the real world?!The ones I do cannot pick out a gift even if a gun was held to their heads.

A Shade of Blue said...

Sounds like soo much fun!!! :D

Batbitch said...

Here's your Valentine's kiss. ~smooch~

Doppelganger said...

@wiseling : predictable yes!
@reno: My brother just got married recently, oooohhh i love weddings and yes i know what it feels like to spend a few special moments with the couple esp at the dias. I know for a fact that they are etched in my heart and his (i hope) forever :)
this entry makes me smile.

Doppelganger said...

predictable? who? wiseling?
Ha! you've gotta be kidding!!

Chrisann said...

come photograph my wedding

amrita said...

Just to let you know, your picture came out great. The one I took, and the one the official photographer took as well.
And well done ont he post. It's really nice. :D