Monday morning, one wakes up with a very heavy weight on one's chest, despite lying on the stomach, and a level of discomfort. As the hands seem to be inexplicably pinned down under the chest, one reaches for the pillow with the teeth, and bites down to pull the pillow closer. On a clamping shut of the jaws on the pillow, the pillow gives off a whimper. Finding that at least a bit strange, the teeth then attempt to banish the entity hiding inside the pillow case by shaking the hell out of it like a dog does to a newspaper. Finding that method to lead to more whimpers, and an eventual Fine, I'll make breakfast, just stop biting me, one decides to get up and figure out their immediate surroundings.
By locking the arms in a push up position, and lifting off, the weight is lifted, and it rolls off, grabbing the arm of its significant other, who had occupied the couch, pulling him off as well. The resulting commotion woke up the last bit of sleepy flesh, thrown across a corner, but still occupying very little space given the 5 foot flat stature natural selection had chosen to spare her with.
Here follows a converation between Little One(LO), Myself(R), Pussy whipped guy(PWG), Bloody weight across my chest first thing in the morning(BW), and Birthday girl aka pillow(BG).
LO: Renovatio, what the hell's wrong with you?!?
R: Screw you, none of you even drank anything, can't you sleep still? Look at him, he slept on the couch and kept to himself.
PWG: Dude, when you live with a woman, you'll learn to do that too.
BW: Shut up and go back to sleep.
PWG: Yes darling.
R: No, get up, it's seven, and we all have work and stuff to get to. It's gonna take us two hours to get to frigging Delhi from here. God damn middle of nowhere place you live(to pillow).
BG: Well I'm sorry about that my lord, and what would you like for breakfast.
R: No, shut up, happy birthday, I'll make something. Where's your bloody fridge.
Chorus: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear pillow...
BG: Shutupshutupshutup! he's right, I didn't have any alcohol in the house, but you're all making me feel like I'm having a hangover.
PWG: What the hell have you been drinking, you feel like that after shrooms.
LO: Why is it always about shrooms with you?!?
PWG: Dude, shrooms ro-...
BW: Pussy whipped...
PWG: Sorry darling.
R: You know what, I found some cold bacon here, this is mine, you guys find your own damn breakfast.
BG: Just make some of your omelettes Ren, or pancakes or something. Pleeeeeeease.
R: Oh bloody hell, fine. Someone make some coffee, I refuse to make it sugary and shitty like you retards drink it.
Some time later, I'd managed to finish putting together a modest breakfast for the five of us involving pancakes, the bacon(cooked by this point), fried eggs, coffee and juice, and once having finished eating it, we left, with much complaining about the choice of music in my car.
I will relate more of the last weekend soon.
In unrelated news, I know those online IQ tests are bullshit, but I took one for the hell of it anyway.
Your General IQ Score of 149 shows how able your mind is in general. Anyone with a General IQ Score this high is considered to be a genius. This score is better than 99.95% of all persons taking this test. All known occupations can be comprehended with a General IQ this high. You should be able to handle any academic challenges.
Holy shit.
About me...
- Renovatio
- Delhi, Bombay, India
- Oh bloody hell, I had something truly deep and pretentious to write here, but it decided to evade me at the last moment. It probably had something to do with transformers or something; the power kind, not the shape-changing variant. Oh and I happen to enjoy writing in a small font, especially on a background color contrasting almost completely with the font color. Muahahahahaha et al. And ad nauseum too. Not nausea, mind you. Ooh, that rhymed.
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32 comments:
Bigger font and all..effects of the hang over??!!
And why are tornadoes hilarious,Reno?
Make me some pancakes please. I love pancakes.
yay for updates, big test and fun birthdays! also... why not wuffles? one does so adore wuffles..
haha... blame this on my hangover.. i totally meant big TEXT.
you make pancakes?
which IQ test? tickle-emode?
you need sleep buddy...lots of it ;P
wuffles with mypel seerup and thick cream. wuff!
Waffles and iq... I see what you guys find worth reading now...
@lucy-lover
What hangover, there was no drink... and tornadoes are funny, cause, they go round and round and stuff man.
@hrundi
Screw you. Let's play some scrabble?
@wiseling
Wufflies are complicated love, it's all waffle iron and stuff you know, easier to make pancakes. Especially the crepe-ey kinds I like to make with brown sugar, or powdered sugar, or maple syrup, or chocolate syrup I prefer early mornings.
@chrisann
I love cooking, and pancakes are easy as hell. This iq test was actually one a friend of mine at Johns-Hopkins sent over, one they're planning on putting up, so it's a tad more real-like. Wanted me to see how it picked up on iqs, as well as how 'web-friendly' the damn thing was. Still, not much of a believer, I don't think my iq is too much above, say, 135 you know, moderate genius.
@chandni
You know what they say, if wishes were beggars, cows would jump over the moon... or something along those lines.
@the explitives
Woof woof.
Scrabble only if you get me some stroopwafels.
I want to eat penne with bacon
this is my long huge comment
Remind me to spend a weekend with you sometime
Seems I missed a whole post, good to see you writing again buddy.
That iq test can't be all that fake if someone at Johns Hopkins referred you to it, seems we've found the next great genius of your generation.
You increased the size of your font.
:(
And coffee + milk + sugar= ghastliness. I completely concur.
Hmm, I must reconsider the soulmates thing, larger font notwithstanding.
@hrundi
Man, I tried making them, but it's frigging hard, I'm gonna see if I can get one of those priffles or whatever you call them.
@anki
I just made this pesto with basil and pine nuts. Came out pretty good. Unfortunately the roof I live under is vegetarian, so I can't cook any bacon pastas here.
@yet another
Oh drop it.
@her prod-iness
No no, this post had to be in a large font, for the sake of the conversation. Otherwise emphasis on certain sentences wouldn't succeed. Though on the soulmates front, you can reconsider depending on the next post's font size.
@revealed
Sorry, almost missed your teensy reply... Anytime, just chalk out the menu you want.
I wants the recipe of pesto with basil and nuts.Please give!
Dogpile!
Haha, you're such a genius! ;)
Not bad! Quick update this time. :)
BTW had posted last night on the other bog (yes bog!) thestoneleaf.blogspot.com
And here's to mighty breakfasts (which was Aloo ke Parathe, that the maid made again, yet again!).
my iq is way lesser :(. wahhhhhhhhhh! u sure are a genius :p.anyways when i commented on ur other blog these recent posts hadn't taken shape :p.
anyways i loveeeeeeeee huge hearty breakfasts, the kinds which you mentioned. though i'd be damned if i wake in the morn and make all of those yummy stuff and still reach office by 9 :|.
ha!
that is some morning story man, i have to say with all honesty that i have none quite like it.
ive never taken online iq tests (that i can remember!) but given the kind of goons i imagine spend their time on these sites, its no surpise that youre smarter than 99+% of them...
in any case i find people in general getting dumber and dumber by the day now.. have you seen idiocracy? if not you should, its not as goods it coulda been, but really hits home if youre smart enough follow the actual meaning beyond the obvious gags. it amazed me and scared me how many folks ive met who didnt get some of it...
cheers..
oh yeah! you changed your font size! shit!
what brought this on?
One is convinced. Crepe-like pancakes sound very yum-like indeed. Where is one's invitation, one asks? Where?
And Scrabble! What fun. One is very big fan of Scrabble. Sunday afternoons tend to be very Scrabble-worthy, one thinks.
One is also very good at developing annoying writing styles, no? One is amused and apologetic all at once.
@lucy-lover
I prefer to use basil leaves rather than the dried crushed kind you get at most places. Dry them out with a towel so that a little moisture stays in, and mash em with the pine nuts in a mortar-pestle, and once it's about half mashed, add a whole lot of olive oil. That's your sauce :D
@antanya
It's nice to hear a website tell you that once in a while too :p
@ol' excitable
I'll check it asap.
Man I wish I knew how to make parathas. I love them. I can make rotis, but when it comes to stuffed parathas, I end up almost scrambling them. Somehow I turn runny eggs into a more solid omelette mass then stuffed atta into a decent paratha.
@utopia
It's actually quite quick and easy to throw all that together as long as you're in possession of a large enough skillet and a gas stove. I don't make my scrambled eggs with milk, which allows me to make a pancake or two and/or cook the bacon at the same time.
@dude
Welcome back man, we missed you.
I'll see if I can find a decent copy of the film somewhere. Is it anything like Jackass?
Oh and the font size was to allow emphasis. On my regular font, bolded(en?)/italicized didn't show clearly. Future posting will resume in the old size.
@wiseling
One would assume that another is mocking their writing style.
I play scrabble online late at night sometimes, used to play on atari, but they shut down. I've played a bit on scrabulous.com, but people there don't like the fact that I'm decent at it, and say I'm cheating and leave the game.
Open invitiation to pancakes, by the way. One would assume there's no need to say that.
one was, indeed, mocking oneself. after all, life is rather boring if one cannot laugh at oneself, no?
on tastier note, one demands pancakes and a game of online scrabble. one is sure that one can give thee a run for thy money.
oh dear, writing like this is rather tiring. sigh.
sounds like fun...bacon and pancakes! 149? Jesus C! What are you doing HERE! :)
That totally sounds like a sunday after a sleep-over with friends.. and rest assured i'd be doin the cookin!! (rolls eyes)
no man, nothing on earth like jackass! though if youve watched jackass, it helps..
nuff said!
@wiseling
One was referring to another's mockery of one's own writing. Not another's for another's own. Keep up with that if you can.
@dreamcatcher
Mental stimulation? Got any alternatives?
@doppelganger
I'm not sure if I sense a little more than a hint of mockery in that. Oh and that was monday morning.
@dude
I'll download it as soon as I finish this gladiator download. I was shocked to realize I didn't have a copy.
haha.. one was not mocking another's writing at all.. infact, one probably wrote like this because one was subconsciously affected by the writing style of another... yes? :D
haha!! yes yes wiseling ;)(I dont even know if that was meant for me, but recently with the whole blog thing going, all fingers point at YOU)
oh and renovation, it wasn't mockery :)
@doppelganger: it totally wasn't directed at you! :) i miss you!
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